What do you say to yourself about yourself? Is it accurate? Is it positive or negative? Is a glass of water half-full or half-empty? Is your glass half-full or half-empty?
Self-talk is not a new concept. Many self-help authors and speakers have devised elaborate systems designed to help people understand what it is and what it does. We all have self-talk. Normally it is positive, and positive self-talk helps you to stay on task. Your self-talk reflects your beliefs. It reveals your self-image. It helps you to focus on what is important.
But unusual circumstances can cause a person to develop anxiety and to feel the stress overtly and covertly. Subtle changes occur in your self-talk, and soon you are reinforcing negative ideas and emotions. Negative self-talk can become ingrained in your daily life, and you may not even be aware of it. If you are a frowning Francine, or if you have become a negative Norton, you need a change.
Realizing this, it is important to redefine your direction, and change your self-talk. Children can pick up negative self-talk from overly critical family and friends. If you were told every day that you are worthless and will never amount to much, you might start repeating that, and using it as an excuse when you fail at something. That is a very destructive form of negative self talk, and it can be devastating. But you can turn it around when you realize it. That is the beauty of understanding self-talk and using it effectively.
If you are under stress, perhaps from an illness, death of a loved one, loss of job, or other unexpected misfortune, you have external forces acting on you because of the situation. These forces are negative. You also have positive events happening every day that counterbalance the negativity, and hopefully the end result is neutral or positive. This is just the balance of life. Positive and negative forces (external) and positive and negative responses (internal) to life events combine to give you a life energy quotient. If the positive wins, you are happy. if the negative wins, you are miserable, depressed, angry, maybe even afraid.
Many people express frustration by swearing, or by using typical catch phrases, e.g. “for crying out loud.” These phrases allow them to get the emotion out, and they usually do not think any more about it. I have a friend that says “this is helpful” frequently, even when it would seem that the event that just occurred was not helpful at all. Even the phrase, “What does not kill you makes you stronger” helps to alleviate stress for some people. You are still standing, so obviously it did not kill you. So now you are stronger.
Positive, directed self-talk can actually motivate you, and lift your spirits. Put a sign on your bathroom door that you will see every morning that says “Today is a great day.” Say it out loud to yourself every morning when you walk into the bathroom. Say it like you mean it, and mean it when you say it. Soon, you will involuntarily smile when you see the sign, and you will say it with enthusiasm.
Realize the value that comes from reinforcing positive attributes about life and about yourself. They say it takes 30 days to change a habit. But it does not take nearly that long to see the positive value of adjusting your self-talk from negative to positive. Self-talk helps you to restore and improve your self-image, and heal the wounds to your self-esteem that occur from time to time. Sometimes simple things can have amazing results. If you Google “Self-esteem,” you get 64,000,000 results in less than a minute. It seems that self-esteem is important in our world. Believe in yourself. Stop discounting the positive. Stop exaggerating the negative. Accentuate the positive every day. Make your self-talk exclusively positive. Then stand back. You will be amazed at the results.
Today is a great day. You are a talented, wonderful person. Use your talents wisely.
Thank you.
-Bob